And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
