p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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