life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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