But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
