I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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