I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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