I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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