Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
