I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
