remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
