singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
