So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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