I need help removing her.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
