Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
