i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize