the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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