She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
