$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
