what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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