just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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