Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
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She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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