theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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