this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
