Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
