So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
