What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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