If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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