New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
