mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
