the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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