bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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