so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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