No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize