I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can you bring me the toilet please
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
