I accidentally had phone sex last night
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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