so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We smell like vodka and hangover
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