Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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