y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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