I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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