let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
