I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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