you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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