Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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