mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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