I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
