Define "chronic" masturbator.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
