I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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