I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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