Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Im part way to drunk.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
