Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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