ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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