just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
