Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
