Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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