you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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