the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
