you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
