Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You made out with two different species that night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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