Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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