At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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