I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
