a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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