I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
did i just pee glitter
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
