In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
