Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
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Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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