but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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