I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
