i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
