the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
