she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You are the jesus of drinking
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
