So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
