I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize