Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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