new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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