You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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