I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
