no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize