I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
