Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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