Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
