The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
