im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
