is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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